As Reform Party drops candidate who turned out to be dead, journalist claims that fringe party is deliberately deploying corpses as candidates as elderly base of support starts to die off. Further alarming allegations that fringe parties could be planning to reanimate dead supporters to boost support, amid reports of polling station overrun by zombies!

After refuse-filled missile strikes Brussels, spewing stinking household waste across city, UK is accused of running secret scheme to dispose of its rubbish by firing it off in rockets. Despite denials by British authorities, suspicions linger that rain of effluent over German city might also have been from malfunctioning UK waste disposal missile.

Is a Washington fast food joint actually a front for a child cannibalism cult serving flesh burgers to liberal degenerates? As acolytes of latest crazy right wing conspiracy theory attack burger restaurant, experts dismiss claims as being yet more extremist fantasies and label its followers as 'deluded'.

What is the truth behind Tory MP's desperate late night call to local party treasurer pleading for money? Was he being held against his will in a sex dungeon over an unpaid bill for whippings? Or was he held for ransom by irate rent-boys furious at his encroachment onto their territory? Or was it all an elaborate scheme to embezzle party funds?

Is the amount of human waste floating in Britain's rivers proof of the existence of giants? Cryptozoologist controversially claims giant humans are using our rivers as sewers, depositing their outsize jobbies in them. Plans to track these elusive creatures by following their gigantic spoor.

Police raid on chain of budget undertakers reveal alleged running corpses-for-hire racket. Were dead bodies being rented out to fill out sparse crowds at football matches, concerts and Tory party meetings? Anti-immigration political candidate claims some bodies skinned to provide 'suits' for illegals to pass for white!